10 things that hearing should not say to a deaf person

Sometimes people tend to say things without thinking it through, am I right? Although it may not be their intention, these things can be offensive depending on the person.

As a person with a hearing disability, there are some things that I go through whenever I meet new people and sometimes the things that I hear face to face do cause me to groan internally. I do understand that there are some “hearing” people who are genuinely curious about my culture, but please think your words through before allowing them to leave your mouth, because some of the thoughts that you voice out are a teeny bit offensive, bud. Don’t worry, dear friend, that is why I am coming to your rescue!

Here are some things that you should never say or do when you meet a deaf person or a person who is hard of hearing (like me!)

1. 'Wow, you speak well for a deaf person!'
I have a very serious question to ask. Why do some people think that the phrase, “Wow, you speak well for a deaf person!” is perfectly fine to say? If you meet a deaf person and their speech is a lot more advanced than you think, please do not say these kinds of sentences because they are extremely offensive and it can cause one to isolate themselves from you. In particular, do not say this specific sentence because there are ways that you can compliment us if we miraculously surpassed your expectations as far as speech goes. For example, “You must’ve worked hard on your speech!” The reason as to why this is a good compliment is because you’re not downgrading us and are, in fact, praising our hard work.

2. 'Why won’t you get a cochlear implant/hearing aids?'

Another thing that you shouldn’t say is, “Why won’t you get cochlear implants/hearing aids?” For starters, buddy, those technologies are highly expensive, and when I say expensive; I’m talking about 30k+. On a more serious note: aside from the cost, these kinds of topics are quite personal. Although I do wear hearing aids in both ears, not everyone wants to wear them. Some may feel self-conscious when people see them with a cochlear implant or a hearing aid in, which I don’t blame them, because not all of us want pity. Being deaf or hard of hearing is not a bad thing at all! Sure, it’s a bit tougher to get by in life, but we’re the same as you.

If you are curious as to why one chooses not get hearing aids or a cochlear implant, ask them something along the lines of, “If you don’t mind, is there a personal reason as to why you chose not to get hearing aids/cochlear implants?” Here, you can see why some people in the deaf community choose not to buy or wear certain products.

3. Assuming That All of Us Know ASL

I’m not going to lie to you when I say that people always come up to me thinking that I know sign language because there are some that do! At first it didn’t bother me too much because what if it was just an honest mistake? Now I get it on a daily basis, which causes to me wonder whether people are mocking me or are genuinely curious.

I have bilateral hearing and my father is deaf. I speak with words from the mouth whereas he speaks using sign language while occasionally mouthing his words to me. Do I know sign language? To put it simply, no I don’t, but I do plan on learning ASL one day. Does me not knowing sign language affect the way I interact with my father? No, it does not. The majority of the time, I usually read his lips or vice versa. If you want to know whether we know sign language or not, just ask us and it can go on from there.

4. 'How can you work if you can’t hear?'
Don’t say this, to put it simply. Just because we are hard of hearing does not affect the way we work, nor does it affect the way we learn. We can work just like “hearing” people can, or sometimes even better. If you do not want to get blocked or ignored, then follow my advice and just—please don’t ask us this question. If you are curious about our occupation, just ask us what we do for a living and then, in response, we can answer your questions from there.

5. Ignoring Us
You may be surprised as to how many people will say that they have been ignored just because they were deaf or hard of hearing. I have also gone through the phase of being ignored the moment I was seen with a hearing aid. It is quite sad that there is still ignorance among our society towards our community. I will only say this once because there are many people who have agreed with me: ignoring us does cause us to feel anxious around people. By anxious, we do tend to feel self-conscious about our hearing disability, and it may even cause some of us to become isolated in the future

6. Treat us as equals.
A lot of us have gone through experiences where we were given the “special” treatment just because we have trouble involving the word "hearing.” My experiences were mostly from this dreadful day called the first day of school. Every time we had to do introductions, I would just say my name and move along, but the teacher would always place their hand on my shoulders and would say something along the lines of, “This is y/n, s/he has a hearing impairment, so make sure to treat them with kindness and to help them out!” in an overly cheerful voice. The moment the teacher says this, everyone around me starts to treat me as if I am some special case in which I’m not. We are just like you and our hearing disability does not make us any different from the rest of you, so please, just treat us as you would treat any other person.

7. Getting Our Attention
Now, this isn’t a bad thing, but how you do so can be a bit iffy. If you throw objects at me personally, I will ignore you because you are disrespecting me as a person. Although stomping your feet or banging an object will guarantee the idea that you may gain our attention, every person is different. Some may find it rude, whereas there are others who will laugh it off and are curious as to why you desperately want their attention. To avoid some of these misunderstandings, just walk over to us and tap our shoulders or just wave.

8. Exaggerated Movements

This one personally makes me laugh out loud, but for others, it can be seen as rude. If you are talking to us using exaggerated gestures such as flailing around or using mouth gestures to emphasize what you are saying, please refrain from doing so. Why? It can be extremely rude because it seems like we can’t understand you if you speak to us like a normal human being.

I will say this once more: we can understand you in more ways than you think. Most of us can read your lips, which will be harder to do if you’re exaggerating everything so that we can “understand” you or we can hear you perfectly fine while occasionally asking if you can repeat something. So if you do end up making conversation with a person from our community, please keep these ideas in mind.

9. Saying 'Nevermind' or 'I'll Tell You Later'

This is something that I get a lot personally and I won’t lie when I say that it does hurt sometimes, especially when people say it after I ask them to repeat something. If you are speaking to a person from our community, you do have to remember that some of us will struggle when understanding something that you are saying directly to us.

Majority of the time, I usually struggle with the last word or the last sentence because either you’re speaking too fast or you were mumbling. Usually I would ask someone to repeat what they said, but due to being rejected so many times, I pretend to understand. If someone asks you to repeat something, please do it, because we are asking because we truly did not catch what you said to us.

10. Saying the Term 'Hearing-Impaired'

Last but not least, the term “hearing-impaired” is highly offensive to us as a whole. Why is it offensive? It is offensive because, to us, it is practically a slur because you are grouping a community that is filled with different cases of hearing loss into one large group. You may be surprised at the fact there are people in the medical field that generalize us by this one name in which society found that it was okay and adopted into their vocabulary. There are some doctors who do not view a hearing loss as a cultural thing and more so as a condition that needs to be examined, to be fixed, or to be cured. This is one of the main reasons as to why society sees Deaf/HOH as a case, or as if there is something wrong with us. For future references, I suggest that you don’t use the term loosely around a person from our community.